antiquam

…sucked.

I look forward to Shark Week the way a ten year old looks forward to Christmas and, I gotta tell ya,  the Discovery Channel really let me down with last night’s premiere.

They served up a fetid slurry of three day old cold gruel when I was expecting an end cut of prime rib with, maybe, a lobster tail on the side.

Instead of bloody, gruesome attacks by Great Whites and Tigers, they gave us fiberglass shark robots and tedious physics experiments.

What the hell were they thinking?! I want blood, razor sharp teeth, and non-stop man eating fish…

Ok, even the Discovery Channel is entitled to lay one once every twenty-one years so I’ll cut them some slack. Tonight’s line-up should more than make up for the tedium that was last night’s disappointing premiere.

One of my personal favs, “Air Jaws” — an hour of surface breaching, attacking, back flipping, frenzied Great Whites (see ultra cool clip here) — is on at 8:00 PM. Unfortunately, Air jaws is followed by two shows making their premiere this year which have the potential to be disappointing:

SURVIVING SHARKS
Premieres Monday, July 28, at 9 p.m. ET/PT.
Survivorman’s Les Stroud hosts this look at how best to play it safe in the water, while testing popular theories of how to survive shark encounters. Les travels to the Bahamas and South Africa to test whether the behavior of Caribbean reef sharks and great whites changes depending upon the time of day. While in South Africa, Les and marine biologist Jeremiah Sullivan conduct an analysis of the great white’s bite, and test whether kicking and splashing attracts sharks, and if it’s safer to stay in a group or tread water alone if stranded in the ocean.

[Unless Les Stroud turns out to be the main course -- or at least the appetizer -- for a Great White, this'll probably be a yawn]

DAY OF THE SHARK
Premieres Monday, July 28, at 10 p.m. ET/PT.
Do shark encounters happen more frequently in the morning or night? This special chronicles six recent shark attacks that took place at different times of day. Top shark experts weigh in on what time of day is better or worse for avoiding sharks.

[I dunno, this may have B- potential. Have to wait and see. If an experiment goes wrong and someone goes feet first into a shark's gullet, I'll give it a solid A]

Air Jaws will definitely bring up the curve but it looks like I’ll have more bitch-blogging to do tomorrow.

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Coincidentally, it looks like even sharks hate Ryan Seacrest